Maeve's Message to Me

It's Lammas Day and I'm writing the first blog of the 30 day challenge from Effy Wild. To start with, I decided to use a list of questions from a link Effy posted to give me a poke in the brain. 

What must you clear, so you may plant and have good harvest? What in you sacrifices so your soul and body may be sustained? 

What is in front of you, right now? What did you clear? What did you plant? What does the harvest look like? What do you celebrate? What do you mourn? 

This list is almost too powerful for just one post, so I'll most likely be chewing on this for a couple of days. The first one, about what I must clear, would take more than 30 days to just list, never mind really write about. So I'll start with my journey with Maeve in Effy's Moonshine Summer. Having never heard of her, in spite of my bookaholism and myth addiction, she came to me unencumbered with decades of my thoughts and reactions. 

At first I saw her as a warrior woman, since her story is that of a warrior queen who was not afraid of battle. This is most decidedly NOT me. I cave. I crumble. I submit. I become a chameleon so that no one can see the real me and hurt the real me. This never worked, by the way. I was hurt by people who didn't even know who the hell I am, since I never let them really see me. 

My first sketch of Maeve had her looking fiercely into my eyes, with thunderclouds on her forehead and in the sky. She had the crescent moon and star on her face, and I now realize that I used to sign my letters with those symbols during the years I allowed the world to call me Diane. 

This Maeve did not walk the world the way I walked the world. 

I tried again, and this Maeve looked very young and scared and a lot like my inner self when I was Diane in the woods. Like me, she hid from the world, braid and all. Guarded by a thorny hedge, she and I listened to the fierce voice of Nature and didnt' speak on our own behalf.

My next version of Maeve showed her still melting into the forest, and still listening to the Wise Bird, but this time it's clear that she's on her way back into the world. The moon is full here and telling her she'll be all right, making her smile more than she had before. Her hair is unbound and free and the giant goblet of wine is full of joy she hasn't even begun to sip from yet. I know Her quite well, and become her frequently. Halfway into the forest and halfway into the world, I tentatively step in and out of my safe hiding place.

                                                                          Well!
                                                                  Look out below!

This version of Maeve shocked the fear right out of me! Once again, she stares fearlessly into the eyes of anyone who dares to confront her. Swords and fierce birds surround her, but she no longer needs the protection of a thorny hedge or a deep forest. She is older now, and a brave tribal queen. No crown is needed because the wisdom of age shines from her eyes. Her hair is unbound, blowing in the wind of Life and has threads of silver and grey. She stands fully in the glow of a golden sun. That same glow I can barely see in the picture above is now her natural home. Her swords are there only if she needs them and she has taken off that flower necklace. And everything else, for that matter. She is brave with or without clothes.

I journaled about my string of unhappy relationships and then ripped the pages into little pieces and glued them down on a journal page. The warrior queen returned, along with a Wise Crone whispering in her ear. She still has birds, both cute and fierce. Her sword is handy and shines along with the moon and the Celtic symbols. Words appeared that I didn't expect, telling me that my past is not wasted and that I belong to myself.

                                                                          YES!
That's what I cleared! I'll visit the other questions on another day. Happy Lammas! Go light a candle and bake some bread!