Day 29 - Spiralling back again

Yes! Another CLOCK! This one really shows Jewish time really well. Hopi time too, for that matter, since that spirals too. Or maybe even Female time, since women's lives go in spirals all the time. Round and round we go and we end up in the same place.

                                                  Often the mirror. Judging ourselves.
                                                             It starts very young

But that's not what this is about. This is about the power of music. Which starts very young too.
                                 Long before words as my Pied Piper cousin will tell you.
                              Music and getting kids excited about music is her life's work.

This time of year is when I feel completely boxed in by all the choices I made or didn't make in the past year. I see no way out. I look back and beat myself up. It's worse than staring in a mirror. At least, with the mirror, I could walk away from it. But I feel so trapped by ALL my life's choices sometimes.

Fortunately, being Jewish means a do-over every fall, ushered in by the sweet taste of honey .
And apples, of course. The perfect fall fruit, especially up here in apple country.

So now it has returned: The tail end of the previous year and I feel like a horse's patoot. Again.

LUCKY FOR ME

We're ALSO, simultaneously by some kind of Jewish calendar music, the HEAD of the year. 

TA DA !!!

It is also the time when a Certain Bookstore puts up this end cap. Every freaking year! Their corporate office dictates that the stores put up books they feel are appropriate, including ... well...enlarge it and see what book looks out of place. To a Jew. 

Grumble grumble. 

One thing really calms me down this time of year. 

Music, even with words, still hits me on a wordless level. Right in the kishkes. A young boy played violin tonight in rehearsal and when he played those high, sweet notes I couldn't even sing. Those notes vibrated all through me and rendered me speechless. And healed me. And reminded me that this is the time of year that all can be forgiven, all promises are believed, and we all start the new year all fresh and clean. 

Yes, it's a time of self-reflection for all of us

 But after a bit of looking deeply into our soul, we can set off into the world again and have confidence that we can dance or fly. 

Our choice

It all starts over this Thursday. Enjoy your path! 

It may not be straight, but no matter what bends and turns and swirls, just know it's YOUR path. 

and you're doing just fine

Day 28 - Miles to go before I sleep

Ah sweet sleep that knits the ravelled sleeve of care

And in my life this knitting is so rare....

Sorry, Mr Shakes, all I can think of today is sleep. 

And THIS is stuck in my head, so it might as well be stuck in yours

Here's the original sandman from my heritage - Hypnos, the god of dreams. The one who has been too dang busy whilst I've been sleeping lately. I do so love the blanket in this picture, though, says my artsy brain..

Anyone remember this little dude? This was the illustration in my Mother Goose in...um...mid century, though it came from much earlier. I used to be a bit creeped out by Wee Willie Winkie running through the town...upstairs, downstairs, in his nightgown. Tapping at the window, crying through the locks....EEEEK! 

I used to use this as a bedtime ritual for my oldest, though, changing the last line to "Is Mihali in the bed? Cuz now it's 10 o'clock!" (should've been 8, but I picked my battles)

This one I believe my parents used...especially the first 2 lines, in the old language of the poem..."tarry awhile, said Slow" because when it came to bedtime, I was most definitely Slow. Oh not anymore! I wish I had all those lost naptimes and early bedtimes back, dont' you? Nothing to do by play, eat, and go to bed when we're told! 

I can tell winter's coming on because I really want to hibernate. I get quite grumpy 
and groggy when I finally wake up, no matter what time it is. 

                                            WHERE'S MY CAVE???

Better yet, so that the world can't disturb my slumber, where's my protective spell?

Ahhhhhh. That's more like it. Briar Rose, the original sleeping beauty, was protected by a hedge full of thorns. Kind of like the hedgerow I drew for Maeve when I envisioned her retreating from the world. 

But I head off to night shift again, having foolishly agreed to work for someone on my night off, and I know I'll be glad for the extra money, but I'm afraid this is what I'll look like during my break

                                       Goodnight, Day People .              

                           See you and my gorgeous view when the sun rises. 

Day 27- Kitchen revelations

So this is how I grew up. The kitchen was MUCH more beautifully decorated, but it was a good old fashioned eat-in kitchen with sit-down meals every morning, evening, and all through the weekends. I did a little bit of cooking, but mostly it was my incredible mother. Later on, my dad began to do all the bread baking and an increasing number of signature dishes that most of Cincinnati had not started eating yet. Tacos, guacamole, shrimp fettucini, brioche....and my mother cooked every nationality that caught her fancy. I ate quiche before it was a cliche. 

                                      I started my wifely cooking duties on a stove like this one

It was meant to heat the crappy home we had built, and I had to balance pans on whatever flat surface I could find. It was here that I methodically went through the Joy of Cooking, making substitutions for things we couldn't afford or wouldn't eat...at the moment. Brown rice and vegetables became replaced with game when winter hit and bullets were cheaper than food at the IGA. I even figured out a way to make Boston brown bread on one of these things! I canned over an open fire in the middle of August, which was BIG fun, let me tell you! And baked bread in a hole in the ground lined with coals and more coals on top of the lid of my Dutch oven. (found the recipe in a cowboy cookbook in the library)

                                                                       Then we upgraded!!

Ours didn't look so great, or clean, but the principle is the same. More wood chopping and more heating up the whole place just to make pancakes no matter how hot it got in the summertime. But I had a oven! And a wonderful neighbor taught me which wood to use to make a hot, medium and slow oven. AND how many verses of Amazing Grace to sing to guage the temperature. If you hold your hand in the oven and make it all the way through a verse AND a chorus, you have a nice slow oven for fruitcake. But if you can only make it through one line, then you're good to go to start your roast...knowing that you better change from myrtle to oak soon to cool it off a bit.

Ah, those were the days. Which I'm glad are gone! When I start griping about my apartment  in any way at all, I have to remember those days.

This is the kind of great kitchen I got when I was a travel nurse staying in corporate apartments.

And this is what I had in my first apartment here. It was made for dudes to keep their beer cold and microwave their Hungry Man meals and I griped continually about it.

NOW I have this one

And I thought YAY!!!! Lots of ROOM!!!

Well, yes. Lots of floor space. Counter space? Not so much. Storage space for pots and pans? Nope. All the cupboards have shelves that are too closely spaced for the kind of thing I use, so I used my noggin...and a cart and some metal shower hooks. YAY ME! That cart is my coffee cart too, and has my latte machine and my Keurig on it. Far cry from making Pero on a Franklin stove, lemme tell you!

The counter space, though, causes this sort of thing to happen. I pull out drawers and put cutting boards on them, pull out other drawers to set bowls and ingredients, and use the floor to unload my grocery bags...eventually. The stove top is where I set the clean pots that don't fit on the hooks until I can put them inside the oven for storage.

 What is the point of all this kitchen history? The point is that I managed to make some kick ass Greek meatballs and Greek tomato sauce to have for dinner and probably pack for lunch. And after my nap, which is happening pronto, I'll unload all the rest of the bags of produce and make a kick ass fruit salad. The top of the stove is clear today, btw, but I was bitching and moaning about having to use over the counter cutting boards and pulled out drawers and I suddenly remembered what I used to have to cook on.

 I made all this stuff in the middle of a heat wave....WITH air conditioning running full blast.

So I'm gonna quit complaining.

About my kitchen, anyway. No promises about anything else.

Day 26- Why I'm watching Felicity and having weird dreams

 During the excitement of orientation,  I forgot how old I am until some young girl on a panel said "Take your time. There's no need to push yourself into a full time course load, or to decide how exactly you're going to use this degree. You have PLENTY of time for that later!"

No, Little Girl Child, I most certainly do NOT have plenty of time for that! I should've done all that time taking if I had gone to college when THIS book was printed

 I did do THIS kind of school in a timely manner and at an appropriate age. And yes, we had to wear caps, but ours were much uglier than these. Hard to believe, eh?

 When looking at college catalogues when I SHOULD have gotten my BA, the pictures of students looked like this, and this is how I pictured myself on the green campuses of my future

 I did do some of that when I went to nursing school and then for more than 4 years getting my BA, which I started in 19-Never-Mind and finished in 19-None-Of-Your-Business, but really it looks more like THIS these days

                              Oh, as IF I could get up gracefully from that position these days!

                                   At least I won't be doing my homework like THIS anymore

So here's the thing. I'm starting college again, and was "accidentally" drawn to watching Felicity reruns the very next day, much to my surprise and embarrassment. But those very first shows were all about the uncertainty and confusion of starting on the Great American Education Adventure and I think I feel a lot like that character did when she first got to college. My hair even curls by itself now, like it didn't so many years ago. But my mind, I fondly hope, has a lot more snap to it than her fuzzy little head after all these years of living on this planet.

I had a nightmare the night after orientation where I was tryin to rescuscitate a baby that I had forgotten was even there. It was almost too late, and I wasn't as sure of what I was doing. At work, doing infant resuscitation is second nature to me, and I never doubt myself while it's going on, but in this dream I was just not sure what the next step was. Even when the dream was over, or actually, when I woke up before it was over, the outcome was unclear. HAD I saved that baby? She would breathe now and then, but wasn't very vigorous in her movements and I wasn't sure if I had stopped too soon or it was just too late to save her.

I know that baby is ME. My new beginning. Is it too late? Will it be just an almost-save that leaves me only half prepared for something there's not much time to get right? I have NO idea. I spend a lot of time on my balcony watching the river and the moon, and this picture does look like one of my activities.

          Deep thought whilst staring moodily off into space and looking over a city.

However, in my saner moments, I know I'll be just fine because my purpose in going to college is a career related one, and not Felicity's

Day 25 - Um....I dunno what to write about!!!

                       Alert the masses! Rene is running out of words! Yikes!

After yesterday's excitement, it seems my brain lost interest in today. Must've needed to rest up.

                                                           I know the cats sure did

Well, me too. I watched 3 reruns of Felicity. FELICITY??? The show that made me tired of the word "Amazing!" which was used approximately 400 times per episode.

Surprisingly, the cats declined to join me in my AMAZING Felicity Fest. Can you imagine?

Somehow I managed to get my wimpy self to choir practice and the music did feed my soul. Such wonderful old friends the HiHo pieces are! My hippie shul in Berkeley was full of soul stirring music, and it's a good thing I had that place to go to when I lived there, but after hearing so much of the same music for at least 20 years, this time of year NEEDS to be full of things I can sing full throated. I don't really think I want to go any more years without that music. Good to know I don't have to.

That doesn't mean I have to limit myself to Jewish music, though. Singing tonight reminded me that I really want to sing more often than once a year, and there are plenty of places I can do that. All I have to do is fold up Time some more. There's a choir I can sing with on Wednesdays, which just happens to be the free night between classes.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

No, seriously, I really want to sing all year round!

Perhaps I should rephrase that laughter....


                          AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM I CRRRRAZZZZZYYYYYY?

                                              Well, some would argue that I am.
                       Actually, there isn't a whole lot of argument among people who know me.

Good darn thing I have tomorrow off too, so I'll be able to do all the painting, cleaning, cooking, laundry, studying, and....supposedly.....getting rid of lots of books.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Can I do this instead??? I'm sure the people in the apartment upstairs wouldn't mind moving so that I can knock out their floor, right?

    ****** Small pause here whilst friends and family think about how silly my organizer is for even              thinking I'll get rid of books, never mind suggesting it out loud************

                                                            How 'bout I just do THIS?

I think I better rest up so that I can do all 7,680 things I need to do tomorrow. Maybe I'll wake up a little more prepared for all this work

Day 24 - WHEEEEE!!!

Before I even start, let me just say that if this blog is a bit disjointed and...er...strange, blame the chocolate martini I celebrated with tonight

 So today started with orientation to graduate school and is my brain ever STUFFED! I got so much information today that the extra is leaking out my ears.

I was SO worried about what I'd be wearing, and especially about my shoes. The weather called for sandals, but First Day of School called for the disguise of Real Shoes. Little did I know, though I should've suspected, that the professors of a program called "Holistic Health Studies" would be wearing sandals...if not actual Birkenstocks. So I could've gone barefoot!

By the way, I'm giving you a closeup of something that proves I'm now an official "Katie"

 Um. Looks right side up to ME, what is YOUR problem? That there blurry thing is my Student ID!

I entered the campus from the parking lot through this, well....rabbit hole. See my shadow? That's the version of me that is now gone because, as I said, I'm a Katie now!

                                                         Look at this gorgeous campus!

 It is, however, NOT the campus where all my classes will be. The picture below shows the lush campus with age appropriate seating for whenever the sun is shining and there is no snow. (This is the entire lush campus grounds, btw.)

THIS is the sweet little building built in the early 1900s and I love it. It's my entire campus! This ONE building!

But back at the big, beautiful campus, I entered an old brick building and climbed up four flights of a gorgeous iron staircase to reach my new life. I was out of breath, but very very happy. We started with a meditation and ended with choosing a transpersonal "seed thought" for the coming years of school.

                           I WANTED to choose "Peace", but "non-attachment" chose me instead.

                                                Gee Thanks, Mr Life Is But a Dream!

I'm so excited about this new chapter in my life I can hardly stand it! But along with this wonderful 1/2 day, I also got to work on my apartment with MY SHAMAN! The Clutter Busting Goddess!

 Heh heh. Actually, for those who live where I live, if you need a Clutter Busting Shaman, you must call Louise Kurzeka. She's the president of NAPO here and she is even more magic than this woman pictured above. Seriously! Her business is called Everything's Together and you can email her and tell her I sent ya! But don't tell her I posted this picture!! No, she doesn't dress this way for working with us messy, creative types. But I really love this picture!

OK. Here's two Before pictures, followed by their After pictures

My "studio" with a loom in the middle of it and a whole lotta stuff in front of my china cabinet so that I couldn't put anything away.

 









                                     HURRAY!!!
                                                             







And here's my art desk, some of which I did before she got here, and the rest of which she waved her magic wand and made more better.

And here's my living room, which was piled and stacked and covered with I-don't-know-what

And now! Floor space and a clear redwood table which is fondly known as Killer Table since you need to watch out for your shins when you walk near Her. She is also very finicky about how She fits into corners, and Louise and I tried 4 different angles before She was happy. The tree will remain, with lights on it to make up for the missing Wealth corner of my home.

                      And here's my favorite flower from the campus that isn't my campus.