Between the Present and the Future

So this happened last night: Holistic Health Studies Graduation Ritual. 

See the portal? 

Like all portals, it was magic. I stood in the hall on one side of it, and then when I walked through...I was someone else. But not quite, because the official commencement, where I wear a gown and get hooded to signify my scholastic achievement, is tomorrow. Last night was a ritual with sacred oil, candles, songs, poems, and more candles. We are in the process of becoming...someone else. Here I am getting blessed by my instructor/shaman. 

I really felt the completion of my Master of the Arts program at the end of our last class, which ended very much like the end of our very first class. (see the blog from October 18, 2013) 

In that blog, I published a picture very much like this one, and it had the same altar cloth, the same twinkly lights, and I put the same kippah in the circle to soak up all the vibes and good wishes of my classmates and my instructor/shaman. We all spoke our thoughts about our time in the program, and especially in the last 4 semesters of intense work. I felt joy bubble up inside me over the fact that I was really finished. Really. Finished. 

Then we walked through the portal, and during the ritual we spoke to our loved ones and each other some more thoughts from our heart about this program. 

But

I went home feeling not quite finished. Or...not quite ready to start the next journey. I feel like a traveler who has all the brochures and guidebooks for the trip, and I have opened suitcases all over the house but can't decide what to pack. 

There's a feeling of unreality. What do you mean I don't have any papers due? Can I make a powerpoint to answer the question I hear from those outside this program: 

What are you going to DO with this degree???

Well! I can answer that! I'm going to...um...well, I'm already...um...I'll be using this degree to...um

Elevator speech? I'll be riding up and down in that elevator for quite some time before I can answer that question with a brief soundbite. I feel like I have to cite the sources for all my thoughts.

Well here's my answer:

I

Don't

Know

I need time for this all to marinate. I still have to walk in a cap and gown before I fly.

                                                            But I WILL fly.                                                                                   

 When I'm ready.